Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
I tried to shorten it.
Sitting in my seat the lights dimmed, everybody started to scream, then as the first strum blasted out of the speakers I knew the drive was worth it.
2 hours after I fell asleep on the drive, I had woken up and convinced my dad that we needed to find a hotel to stay at that closer to the Verizon Amphitheater. We were driving to OZZFEST 07 and I wanted to find a hotel. We passed some hotels however, we were not impressed. We turned off the highway hoping to find someplace better the places we have passed. We were driving down an old dusty road as we headed farther away from civilization. Finally when we were surrounded by trees I said “dad its okay lets go back to the freeway”. He ignored me and looked around scanning the scenery.
Oh no this is a bad idea we should turn back. My Dad looked around at the passing trees and bushes and then his eyes fixed on one mountain. Sitting there on the top of the mountain was a big and fancy Korean church. My Dad looked at me and said in a tired voice, ‘Let’s go there and see if they have a place to sleep’. He goes to a Korean church in San Diego and he wanted to stop and say hi. I sighed and put my head against the cold window. He pulled off the last bit of paved road and we stopped at a small ditch that had a small stream of water rolling downhill. The ditch had a six feet wide mound of dirt that formed a bridge from one side to the other. This place doesn’t look like it leads up to a Nice Korean church. The ditch had a small dirt mound that connected the two sides of the ditch together. It was 6 feet wide and came up 3 feet high on each side, half way across the hill was an area of extra dirt. So the hill inclined and suddenly declined. “Mauro go to the other side of the creek and use your hands to help me get to the other side” my dad said in a non-reassuring voice. I got out of the car and walked to the other side I stood at the other side of the ditch and started to flick my hands behind me. (Go forward). About 2 minutes later when my dad was half way across the ditch and his front tire was close to hanging off the side of the bridge I thought. Uh this is a bad idea if our car gets flipped into the gorge we will be stuck here for a long time until a cab and a tow truck comes and if that happens I might as well say goodbye too Ozzfest. As he slowly pulled across the dirt mound I was shouting “to the left no to the right no, the other right”. This hill was probably made for trucks or cars with 4 wheel drive and here we are me and my dad trying to drive over it with a red PT cruiser. We barely made it across the ditch and we parked on a pile of rocks that had been spread out along the dirt.We started walking up a hill that we thought lead to the church. Walking up the steep hill I noticed a rock. Someone had painted in red on it "scream for help now". I don't know why but I didn't tell my dad about the rock. We were almost at the top of the hill when we were stopped by a closed gate that had no trespassing signs on it. On the side of the gate was a home maid sign saying to go no further. Then I remembered the rock and quickly told my dad about it. "Um dad, back further down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said in a scared, lost voice. He looked at me and said lets go. We started to walk down the hill and almost instantly our walk turned in to a run. Back at the car we had to re drive over the off road bump/bridge. We quickly got out of there and went to the next hotel we saw. It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places.Walking in to Ozzfest I could hear bands starting to play. I saw people calling their friends, "ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know where they were. I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together. I saw allot of metal heads and people calling their friends to meet up with them. I could tell the drive and trip in the mountains was worth it.
2 hours after I fell asleep on the drive, I had woken up and convinced my dad that we needed to find a hotel to stay at that closer to the Verizon Amphitheater. We were driving to OZZFEST 07 and I wanted to find a hotel. We passed some hotels however, we were not impressed. We turned off the highway hoping to find someplace better the places we have passed. We were driving down an old dusty road as we headed farther away from civilization. Finally when we were surrounded by trees I said “dad its okay lets go back to the freeway”. He ignored me and looked around scanning the scenery.
Oh no this is a bad idea we should turn back. My Dad looked around at the passing trees and bushes and then his eyes fixed on one mountain. Sitting there on the top of the mountain was a big and fancy Korean church. My Dad looked at me and said in a tired voice, ‘Let’s go there and see if they have a place to sleep’. He goes to a Korean church in San Diego and he wanted to stop and say hi. I sighed and put my head against the cold window. He pulled off the last bit of paved road and we stopped at a small ditch that had a small stream of water rolling downhill. The ditch had a six feet wide mound of dirt that formed a bridge from one side to the other. This place doesn’t look like it leads up to a Nice Korean church. The ditch had a small dirt mound that connected the two sides of the ditch together. It was 6 feet wide and came up 3 feet high on each side, half way across the hill was an area of extra dirt. So the hill inclined and suddenly declined. “Mauro go to the other side of the creek and use your hands to help me get to the other side” my dad said in a non-reassuring voice. I got out of the car and walked to the other side I stood at the other side of the ditch and started to flick my hands behind me. (Go forward). About 2 minutes later when my dad was half way across the ditch and his front tire was close to hanging off the side of the bridge I thought. Uh this is a bad idea if our car gets flipped into the gorge we will be stuck here for a long time until a cab and a tow truck comes and if that happens I might as well say goodbye too Ozzfest. As he slowly pulled across the dirt mound I was shouting “to the left no to the right no, the other right”. This hill was probably made for trucks or cars with 4 wheel drive and here we are me and my dad trying to drive over it with a red PT cruiser. We barely made it across the ditch and we parked on a pile of rocks that had been spread out along the dirt.We started walking up a hill that we thought lead to the church. Walking up the steep hill I noticed a rock. Someone had painted in red on it "scream for help now". I don't know why but I didn't tell my dad about the rock. We were almost at the top of the hill when we were stopped by a closed gate that had no trespassing signs on it. On the side of the gate was a home maid sign saying to go no further. Then I remembered the rock and quickly told my dad about it. "Um dad, back further down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said in a scared, lost voice. He looked at me and said lets go. We started to walk down the hill and almost instantly our walk turned in to a run. Back at the car we had to re drive over the off road bump/bridge. We quickly got out of there and went to the next hotel we saw. It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places.Walking in to Ozzfest I could hear bands starting to play. I saw people calling their friends, "ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know where they were. I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together. I saw allot of metal heads and people calling their friends to meet up with them. I could tell the drive and trip in the mountains was worth it.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Draft #3 the draft #4 will probably be this just shortened.
Sitting in my seat the lights dimmed, everybody started to scream, then as the first strum blasted out of the speakers I knew the drive was worth it.
“Mauro, Quickly, look behind us” My dad said as he turned up the music that floated around the inside of our car. As the volume of our music increased I loosened my seat belt and took peek my head over my head rest. What I saw fallowing us was a biker wearing a Rob Zombie bandanna that made him look like a skeleton. I thought it was cool. I turned back around and closed my eyes.
About 2 hours later I had woke up and convinced my dad that we needed to find a hotel to stay at closer to the Verizon Amphitheater. We were driving to OZZFEST 07 and I wanted to find a hotel close to the fairgrounds so we could get there faster. We passed some hotels however, we were not impressed. We turned off the highway hoping to find someplace better the the places we have passed. We were driving down an old dusty road as we headed farther away from civilization. Finally when we were surrounded by trees I said “dad its okay lets go back to the freeway”. He ignored me and looked around scanning the scenery. Me and my dad were driving through the wilderness and we were tired. Oh no this is a bad idea we should turn back. My Dad looked around at the passing trees and bushes and then his head jerked up and he looked at the top of the mountain. Sitting there on the top of the mountain was a big and fancy Korean church. My Dad looked at me and said in a tired voice, ‘Let’s go there and see if they have a place to sleep’. He goes to a Korean church in San Diego and he wanted to stop and say hi. I sighed and put my head against the cold window. My Dad saw what he saw was the way up to the Korean church. He pulled off the last bit of paved road and we stopped at a small ditch that had a small stream of water rolling downhill. The ditch had a six feet wide mound of dirt that formed a bridge from one side to the other. This place doesn’t look like it leads up to a Nice Korean church. The ditch had a small dirt mound that connected the two sides of the ditch together. It was 6 feet wide and came up 3 feet high on each side, half way across the hill was an area of extra dirt. So the hill inclined and suddenly declined. “Mauro go to the other side of the creek and use your hands to help me get to the other side” he said in a non-reassuring voice. I got out of the car and walked to the other side I stood at the other side of the ditch and started to flick my hands behind me. (Go forward) Hay using my hands to direct dad across the bridge/mound is fun I hope I get to do it again when we go back over.About 2 minutes later when my dad was half way across the ditch and his front tire was close to hanging off the side of the bridge I thought. Uh this is a bad idea if our car gets flipped into the gorge we will be stuck here for a long time until a cab and a tow truck comes and if that happens I might as well say goodbye too Ozzfest. As he slowly pulled across the dirt mound I was shouting “to the left no to the right no, the other right”. This hill was probably made for trucks or cars with 4 wheel drive and here we are me and my dad trying to drive over it with a red PT cruiser. We barely made it across it and we parked on a pile of rocks that had been spread out along the dirt.
We started walking up a hill that we thought lead to the church. Walking up the steep hill I noticed a rock. Someone had painted in red on it "scream for help now". I don't know why but I didn't tell my dad about the rock. We were almost at the top of the hill when we were stopped by a closed gate that had no trespassing signs on it. On the side of the gate was a home maid sign saying to go no further. Then I remembered the rock and quickly told my dad about it. "Um dad, back further down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said in a scared, lost voice. He looked at me and said lets go. We started to walk down the hill and almost instantly our walk turned in to a run. Back at the car we had to re drive over the off road bump/bridge. We quickly got out of there and went to the next hotel we saw.
It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places.
Walking in to Ozzfest I could hear bands starting to play. I saw people calling their friends, "ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know where they're friends are. At that time I was talking to myself in my head, I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together. I saw allot of metal heads. Allot of people were calling their friends to meet up with them. I could tell the drive and trip in the mountains was worth it.
“Mauro, Quickly, look behind us” My dad said as he turned up the music that floated around the inside of our car. As the volume of our music increased I loosened my seat belt and took peek my head over my head rest. What I saw fallowing us was a biker wearing a Rob Zombie bandanna that made him look like a skeleton. I thought it was cool. I turned back around and closed my eyes.
About 2 hours later I had woke up and convinced my dad that we needed to find a hotel to stay at closer to the Verizon Amphitheater. We were driving to OZZFEST 07 and I wanted to find a hotel close to the fairgrounds so we could get there faster. We passed some hotels however, we were not impressed. We turned off the highway hoping to find someplace better the the places we have passed. We were driving down an old dusty road as we headed farther away from civilization. Finally when we were surrounded by trees I said “dad its okay lets go back to the freeway”. He ignored me and looked around scanning the scenery. Me and my dad were driving through the wilderness and we were tired. Oh no this is a bad idea we should turn back. My Dad looked around at the passing trees and bushes and then his head jerked up and he looked at the top of the mountain. Sitting there on the top of the mountain was a big and fancy Korean church. My Dad looked at me and said in a tired voice, ‘Let’s go there and see if they have a place to sleep’. He goes to a Korean church in San Diego and he wanted to stop and say hi. I sighed and put my head against the cold window. My Dad saw what he saw was the way up to the Korean church. He pulled off the last bit of paved road and we stopped at a small ditch that had a small stream of water rolling downhill. The ditch had a six feet wide mound of dirt that formed a bridge from one side to the other. This place doesn’t look like it leads up to a Nice Korean church. The ditch had a small dirt mound that connected the two sides of the ditch together. It was 6 feet wide and came up 3 feet high on each side, half way across the hill was an area of extra dirt. So the hill inclined and suddenly declined. “Mauro go to the other side of the creek and use your hands to help me get to the other side” he said in a non-reassuring voice. I got out of the car and walked to the other side I stood at the other side of the ditch and started to flick my hands behind me. (Go forward) Hay using my hands to direct dad across the bridge/mound is fun I hope I get to do it again when we go back over.About 2 minutes later when my dad was half way across the ditch and his front tire was close to hanging off the side of the bridge I thought. Uh this is a bad idea if our car gets flipped into the gorge we will be stuck here for a long time until a cab and a tow truck comes and if that happens I might as well say goodbye too Ozzfest. As he slowly pulled across the dirt mound I was shouting “to the left no to the right no, the other right”. This hill was probably made for trucks or cars with 4 wheel drive and here we are me and my dad trying to drive over it with a red PT cruiser. We barely made it across it and we parked on a pile of rocks that had been spread out along the dirt.
We started walking up a hill that we thought lead to the church. Walking up the steep hill I noticed a rock. Someone had painted in red on it "scream for help now". I don't know why but I didn't tell my dad about the rock. We were almost at the top of the hill when we were stopped by a closed gate that had no trespassing signs on it. On the side of the gate was a home maid sign saying to go no further. Then I remembered the rock and quickly told my dad about it. "Um dad, back further down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said in a scared, lost voice. He looked at me and said lets go. We started to walk down the hill and almost instantly our walk turned in to a run. Back at the car we had to re drive over the off road bump/bridge. We quickly got out of there and went to the next hotel we saw.
It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places.
Walking in to Ozzfest I could hear bands starting to play. I saw people calling their friends, "ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know where they're friends are. At that time I was talking to myself in my head, I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together. I saw allot of metal heads. Allot of people were calling their friends to meet up with them. I could tell the drive and trip in the mountains was worth it.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Using Metaphors, Similes, and Hyperboles
Simile- Ozzfest was as hot as a hot pan over a fire.
Metaphor- It was so hot I could fry a egg on the cement.
Hyperbole- I think that drive would never end.
Metaphor- It was so hot I could fry a egg on the cement.
Hyperbole- I think that drive would never end.
Adding more detail
When adding more detail you need to focus on something small and talk about it. Describe it. On my draft 3 there will be more description because it is used sparingly it can making your writing stronger. With good description the reader can picture what you are going through and what the setting around you is.
Interior Monologue
A interior monologue is when you get a change to here the characters thoughts.
I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together.
when I was walking up the hill...
wow this place looks like they could shoot a scary movie here.
when dad is driving over the dirt mound...
Hay using my hands to direct dad across the bridge/mound is fun I hope I get to do it again when we go back over.
Uh this is a bad idea if our car gets flipped into the gorge we will be stuck here for a long time until a cab and a toe truck comes.
I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together.
when I was walking up the hill...
wow this place looks like they could shoot a scary movie here.
when dad is driving over the dirt mound...
Hay using my hands to direct dad across the bridge/mound is fun I hope I get to do it again when we go back over.
Uh this is a bad idea if our car gets flipped into the gorge we will be stuck here for a long time until a cab and a toe truck comes.
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