Simile- Ozzfest was as hot as a hot pan over a fire.
Metaphor- It was so hot I could fry a egg on the cement.
Hyperbole- I think that drive would never end.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Adding more detail
When adding more detail you need to focus on something small and talk about it. Describe it. On my draft 3 there will be more description because it is used sparingly it can making your writing stronger. With good description the reader can picture what you are going through and what the setting around you is.
Interior Monologue
A interior monologue is when you get a change to here the characters thoughts.
I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together.
when I was walking up the hill...
wow this place looks like they could shoot a scary movie here.
when dad is driving over the dirt mound...
Hay using my hands to direct dad across the bridge/mound is fun I hope I get to do it again when we go back over.
Uh this is a bad idea if our car gets flipped into the gorge we will be stuck here for a long time until a cab and a toe truck comes.
I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together.
when I was walking up the hill...
wow this place looks like they could shoot a scary movie here.
when dad is driving over the dirt mound...
Hay using my hands to direct dad across the bridge/mound is fun I hope I get to do it again when we go back over.
Uh this is a bad idea if our car gets flipped into the gorge we will be stuck here for a long time until a cab and a toe truck comes.
My Dialog With Gesture
"Mauro look behind us" my dad said as he kept his eyes on the hard black paved road.
"No dad i want to find a hotel that is closer to the theater" I announced as I turned the clicking nob that controlled our musics volume up.
"Um dad, back futher down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said as I looked back down the hill hoping the rock was no longer there.
"ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know were they're friends were.
"No dad i want to find a hotel that is closer to the theater" I announced as I turned the clicking nob that controlled our musics volume up.
"Um dad, back futher down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said as I looked back down the hill hoping the rock was no longer there.
"ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know were they're friends were.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Thoughtful Word Choice
On my next draft i will use different words,
Said-->Announced
Ran-->Fast Paced Walk
Good-->Enjoyable
If I see boring words like, bad , sad , good, said i will change them into better words like,
disappointed, negative, enjoyable,and exclaimed.
Said-->Announced
Ran-->Fast Paced Walk
Good-->Enjoyable
If I see boring words like, bad , sad , good, said i will change them into better words like,
disappointed, negative, enjoyable,and exclaimed.
Sentence Length & Variety
Sitting in my seat the lights dimmed, everybody started to scream, then as the first strum blasted out of the speakers I new the drive was worth it.
"Mauro look behind us"
I could easily tell Ozzfest was a free land.
He looked at me and said lets go.
I could tell the drive and trip in the mountains was worth it.
It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places.
"Mauro look behind us"
I could easily tell Ozzfest was a free land.
He looked at me and said lets go.
I could tell the drive and trip in the mountains was worth it.
It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places.
Monday, April 14, 2008
My Memoir 2nd Draft
Sitting in my seat the lights dimmed, everybody started to scream, then as the first strum blasted out of the speakers I new the drive was worth it.
"Mauro look behind us". I loosened my seat belt and lifted my head above the head rest. looking through the back window i saw a skull faced man riding a Harley motor cycle. I waited and took a closer look and saw it was only an average biker riding down the highway. He was wearing a Rob Zombie bandanna that had the skeletal features of the jaw and face so it made him look like something from Halloween. I turned around and listened to the music my dad was playing. Playing in our CD drive was a CD that my dad burned songs on to from thee bands we would see at Ozzfest. Me and my dad were driving to Ozzfest 07 and it wold be his and my first time seeing Ozzy live. there were other band that would be performing at Ozzfest and we were excited to see them.
Now we that we have reached our destination and we were looking for a hotel. we wanted to get a good night sleep for tomorrows upcoming concerts. (Ozzfest) we passed some hotels but i told my dad we should keep driving. "No dad i want to find a hotel that is closer to the theater" later we took a off ramp that took us to a dusty old asphalt road that winded in between mountains. My dad noticed that their was a Korean church at the top of one of the mountains. He goes to a Korean church in San Diego and he wanted to stop and say hi. We pulled of the last sign of paved road and tried to drive over a dirt hill that would take us across a river/stream. This hill was probably made for trucks or cars with 4 wheel drive and here we are me and my dad trying to drive over it with a red PT cruiser. We barely made it across it and we parked on a pile of rocks that had been spread out along the dirt. we started walking up a hill that we thought lead to the church. Walking up the steep hill i noticed a rock. Some one had painted in red on it "scream for help now". I don't know why but i didn't tell my dad about the rock. we were almost at the top of the hill when we were stopped by a closed gate that had no trespassing signs on it. On the side of the gate was a home maid sign saying to go no further. Then I remembered the rock and quickly told my dad about it. "Um dad, back futher down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said with a scared un shure voice. He looked at me and said lets go. We started to walk down the hill and almost instantly our walk turned in to a run. Back at the car we had to re drive over the off road bump/bridge. we quickly got out of there and went to the next hotel we saw.
It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places. Today we are planing to use our tickets that we got for free to get into Ozzfest. Ozzfest in 07 was free. when me and my dad got the Ozzy black rain CD it came with 2 tickets. Walking in to ozzfest I could hear bands starting to play.I saw people calling their friends, "ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know were they're friends are.At that time I was talking to my self in my head, I just noticed that already this concert is going to be more hard core than all the concerts I have seen put together. I saw allot of metal heads. Allot of people were calling their friends to meet up with them. I could easily tell Ozzfest was a free land. I could tell the drive and trip in the mountains was worth it.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
When I walk in to ozzfest this could be added
If the main part of my memoir was at ozzfest I could slow down and mainly focus on it by adding more things about it in detail. This would make the story impact the reader more or let them know how cool ozzfest was.
Walking in to Ozzfest I saw people calling their friends, "ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know were they're friends are.
Walking in to Ozzfest I saw people calling their friends, "ya...i am here...at the main gate....OK coming." they said as they looked around like a scared, lost, child because they didn't really know were they're friends are.
Flash Back
This is my memoir starting with a flash back. A flash back allows the writer to start at any time in this writing and then switch to a previous time.
As the 1st strum blasted blasted out of the speakers, I saw the grass field filled with hundreds of people standing it the hot sun and I knew the drive was worth it...........
As the 1st strum blasted blasted out of the speakers, I saw the grass field filled with hundreds of people standing it the hot sun and I knew the drive was worth it...........
Thursday, April 3, 2008
There are 5 types of leads. Here they are...
Posing Question:
Hve you ever felt like you wern't in reality? Have you ever been in a place were you think you could stay your whole life?How is this possible?
Astonishing Fact:
Did you know that Ozzfest 2007 was free.
Spoken words:
"Hay Mauro look behind us"
Setting the mood:
As i looked across grass field, filled with hundreds of people standing in the hot sun i.....
Arresting sentence (a grabbing sentence):
As the 1st strum blasted out from the speekers i was standing excited about what i was going to see.
Hve you ever felt like you wern't in reality? Have you ever been in a place were you think you could stay your whole life?How is this possible?
Astonishing Fact:
Did you know that Ozzfest 2007 was free.
Spoken words:
"Hay Mauro look behind us"
Setting the mood:
As i looked across grass field, filled with hundreds of people standing in the hot sun i.....
Arresting sentence (a grabbing sentence):
As the 1st strum blasted out from the speekers i was standing excited about what i was going to see.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
My memoir 1st draft
"Mauro look behind us". I loosened my seat belt and lifted my head above the head rest. looking through the back window i saw a skull faced man riding a Harley motor cycle. I waited and took a closer look and saw it was only an average biker riding down the highway. He was wearing a Rob Zombie bandanna that had the skeletal features of the jaw and face so it made him look like something from Halloween. I turned around and listened to the music my dad was playing. Playing in our CD drive was a CD that my dad burned songs on to from thee bands we would see at Ozzfest. Me and my dad were driving to Ozzfest 07 and it wold be his and my first time seeing Ozzy live. there were other band that would be performing at Ozzfest and we were excited to see them.
Now we that we have reached our destination and we were looking for a hotel. we wanted to get a good night sleep for tomorrows upcoming concerts. (Ozzfest) we passed some hotels but i told my dad we should keep driving. "No dad i want to find a hotel that is closer to the theater" later we took a off ramp that took us to a dusty old asphalt road that winded in between mountains. My dad noticed that their was a Korean church at the top of one of the mountains. He goes to a Korean church in San Diego and he wanted to stop and say hi. We pulled of the last sign of paved road and tried to drive over a dirt hill that would take us across a river/stream. This hill was probably made for trucks or cars with 4 wheel drive and here we are me and my dad trying to drive over it with a red PT cruiser. We barely made it across it and we parked on a pile of rocks that had been spread out along the dirt. we started walking up a hill that we thought lead to the church. Walking up the steep hill i noticed a rock. Some one had painted in red on it "scream for help now". I don't know why but i didn't tell my dad about the rock. we were almost at the top of the hill when we were stopped by a closed gate that had no trespassing signs on it. On the side of the gate was a home maid sign saying to go no further. Then I remembered the rock and quickly told my dad about it. "Um dad, back futher down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said with a scared un shure voice. He looked at me and said lets go. We started to walk down the hill and almost instantly our walk turned in to a run. Back at the car we had to re drive over the off road bump/bridge. we quickly got out of there and went to the next hotel we saw.
It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places. Today we are planing to use our tickets that we got for free to get into Ozzfest. Ozzfest in 07 was free. when me and my dad got the Ozzy black rain CD it came with 2 tickets. Walking in to ozzfest I could hear bands starting to play. I know allready thay this concert was going to be more hard core than all the concerts put together. I saw allot of metal heads. Allot of people were calling their friends to meet up with them. I could easily tell Ozzfest was a free land. I could tell the drive and trip in the mountins was worth it.
Now we that we have reached our destination and we were looking for a hotel. we wanted to get a good night sleep for tomorrows upcoming concerts. (Ozzfest) we passed some hotels but i told my dad we should keep driving. "No dad i want to find a hotel that is closer to the theater" later we took a off ramp that took us to a dusty old asphalt road that winded in between mountains. My dad noticed that their was a Korean church at the top of one of the mountains. He goes to a Korean church in San Diego and he wanted to stop and say hi. We pulled of the last sign of paved road and tried to drive over a dirt hill that would take us across a river/stream. This hill was probably made for trucks or cars with 4 wheel drive and here we are me and my dad trying to drive over it with a red PT cruiser. We barely made it across it and we parked on a pile of rocks that had been spread out along the dirt. we started walking up a hill that we thought lead to the church. Walking up the steep hill i noticed a rock. Some one had painted in red on it "scream for help now". I don't know why but i didn't tell my dad about the rock. we were almost at the top of the hill when we were stopped by a closed gate that had no trespassing signs on it. On the side of the gate was a home maid sign saying to go no further. Then I remembered the rock and quickly told my dad about it. "Um dad, back futher down the hill I saw a rock that had scream for help now" I said with a scared un shure voice. He looked at me and said lets go. We started to walk down the hill and almost instantly our walk turned in to a run. Back at the car we had to re drive over the off road bump/bridge. we quickly got out of there and went to the next hotel we saw.
It is early in the morning and we are driving towards the Verizon amphitheater after lasts nights event we now know to never aimlessly wander around in unknown places. Today we are planing to use our tickets that we got for free to get into Ozzfest. Ozzfest in 07 was free. when me and my dad got the Ozzy black rain CD it came with 2 tickets. Walking in to ozzfest I could hear bands starting to play. I know allready thay this concert was going to be more hard core than all the concerts put together. I saw allot of metal heads. Allot of people were calling their friends to meet up with them. I could easily tell Ozzfest was a free land. I could tell the drive and trip in the mountins was worth it.
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